I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
