I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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