The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
