Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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