she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
