I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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