I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
