With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
