I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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