So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
