yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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