we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
