I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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