No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
