hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
