Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
