You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
