Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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