She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
