I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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