I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
