i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
