I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
