I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
