i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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