Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
