i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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