i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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