Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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