just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
