In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
