I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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