Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
