I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
