Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
