GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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