Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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