someone get that fucking seahorse.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
