$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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