his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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