margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
