apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
