Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
