Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
