Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
