I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
did i just pee glitter
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
