Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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