I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
