So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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