It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
