I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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