Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
